Day 49 New Years Resolutions

Holy Moly, with the holidays and family coming in and out and parties I lost track of time. :) NO more of that now. :)
How many of you guys have written or even thought about the year 2011? Do you have your normal resolutions to make on New Years Day? Do you intend to keep them? Work on them consistently? I am going to post mine here, today and work on them throughout the year.

1. Get my Life Coaching Certificate
2. Get a certificate in learning the art of Feng Shui
3. Get my book published in the year 2011.
4. Take better care of myself (this includes my mind, body and spirit)
5. Live in gratitude each day and pull out joy and happiness out of every situation.
6. Take more time for me, to really love me and find out what I am meanto do with my life.
These are my intentions for the year 2011. I am sure I will come up with more but for right now I have put them on my calender each month to remind me what it is I want to accomplish. :)

My new mantra for myself is I am moving towards all my goals with ease and success. :) Along with I love and accept myself for who I am.

Much love to you all

Day 41 finding my voice inside...

The holidays are fast approaching with it almost being over. Another year that has flown by! I swear it seems like they are getting shorter!! :) With 2011 fast approaching and my annual house cleaning week starting on Sunday I am going to have to learn to balance between cleaning and family life. :)

I have been asking myself a lot lately why is getting into a healthy thinking routine seem so difficult for me lately? Not just with my weight because I have baked way to many yummy, delicious treats lately and beginning to get a pouch on my tummy. But the self talk and the anger and no patience that has come with it. I know better but why do I default to this type of behavior? When I am good with my thoughts and mind my feelings then great things appear out of thin air and all is great! When I am bad with minding my mind and let it wander then darkness falls upon our home and all heck breaks loose. :) I am thinking I love the good thoughts and behaviors! But I am not the only one that struggles with this, I have met so many people and talked with them. Often able to get them out of their slump but seems to always be a reach away for me. Nonsense I tell myself! It is like I argue with myself on a daily basis! I decided I will now study what all I have learned, not buy another book or program until I sit down with an old book or program for at least a month and really read it and absorb its message. I know all my answers are inside of myself, I just have to find them all. I usually don't carry on like this in a blog either but thought maybe some of you might be feeling like this too.

Much love and happiness to you!

Day 39 needing a miracle?

What happens when you really need a miracle and it is just not showing up? It could be related to health, money that you need for a bill, an item that is needed or a maybe for another person you see that needs it. I have needed a miracle a time or two in my life. I can remember one time clearly, we needed money for our rent. It was winter time and my husband had been out of work for 3 months, we needed the money to pay our landlord and we needed it fast. It wasn't a huge sum of money I think we were short $500.00 on that months rent and we had never been behind before so it was nerve racking for me to say the least.

I did a garage sale that morning and we were $200.00 short, I was stressed out completely, I needed that money so badly I could taste it. I needed a miracle to say the least. Worrying up until this point had not helped me, it just cluttered my mind with bad scenarios, negative words such as how am I going to get this? I began to feel sad, and a lack mentality. So I changed it up a bit, I decided I needed to pray the right way and give confidence in knowing my need was takin care of. That I no longer needed to hold onto this thought, I needed to let go and let God/Universe take action. I couldn't predict what would go on in the next 2 hours but I felt a lot better knowing a power higher than myself would take care of it for me. Our basic need of somewhere to live would be taken care of. We had a very strict landlord at that house and being late was not an option. So within 24 hours we managed to sell our patio furniture (2 sets) for $200.00 in the dead of winter with it raining outside. :)

The moral of the story that I took away from it is when we stress we inhibit God/Universe to give us what we are asking for. The easiest thing we can do as beings is to worry and be negative. The hardest is to let go of the control (which we don't have in the first place) and find a way to be happy or relieved and find our belief it will be handled and all will end better than what we expected. :)

Much love to you all

Day 37 Winter cleaning

Do you do your spring cleaning only in the spring? Or how about only when you are going to host a big tada in your home? I have done huge spring cleanings not only in the spring but in the summer, winter and fall too. Every year the day after Christmas the tree comes down and all the decorations go back into the holiday closet. Except for the outside lights (I try to keep those up as long as my husband will let me) then the dreaded words "Today is the day we are going to start cleaning everything out!) Now those words are dreaded to my kids because they know I like to everything wiped down, donated, thrown away before New Years Day arrives! I love my house feeling super clean and de-cluttered! Everything has its own place I tell the kids and the time is drawing near to begin.

I do these super cleanings because in a way it if free therapy for me. It signals change and a fresh start to the new year is showing. All the old stuff is being thrown away or given on freecycle, stuff that we no longer use, broken or just has bad memories tied to it. Each object carries with it, its own energy, and I don't know about you but I love good energy in my home. I also break out my Feng Shui books and re-read the areas I want to activate in my home and spruce those up too. :)

These cleaning can also be done on our brains and looking at ones self in the mirror. If the ends of your hair are all frayed go get a trim, if your clothes have holes in them go get a new shirt or two. If you want a new job then pace yourself and set aside a day to send out resumes, job search on the web and market yourself.  Make a calender of days you will set aside for yourself. Pick an activity you haven't done yet and get started on it! I have a list of things I want to do in each room of the house.  Like paint walls, clean carpets, furniture, backyard landscaping plans and so on. It's fun to get creative and go towards reaching a goal for that particular room. Remember you don't have to have it done in a day. It usually takes me about a week to tackle my whole house. I even do the yards!! But in the end it feels great. You can celebrate your new year with cleanliness inside and outside your home and it burns tons of calories!!

Much love to you guys

Day 36 changing vibes in the house

Last night I picked up my book The Power again to remind myself what it is that I wanted in my life. Happiness and that feeling of love that has been in the wings waiting for me to feel again. Sure I love my family, love my mocha's, love little surprises everyday but to really feel the love is what I have been missing. In it one of the quotes said Love is like air and water. We do need it to survive. Babies that are never held or kissed or told I love you often get very sick or can die. Our bodies need this feeling and I am going to concentrate on giving myself this gift. So this morning I woke up at 3am to meditate a little while snuggling with my 2 year old. While I meditated a great image came to me.

I have been wanting to plant a garden in our backyard for sometime now. Filling it with vegetables and fruits so we can do some canning during the summer and give our family and friends some wonderful food over the gardening season. :) In my mind I thought about a garden of feelings. I started to pull the weeds that were anger, sadness, resentment and guilt.  I had a section in my mind for each person of my life and started to weed out the unwanted weeds and plants that were growing. I even had a section for myself. I felt rejuvenated when I opened my eyes. A lot better than how I have been waking up lately. So if you have some unwanted emotions in your life that you feel you can't shake try the weeding of emotions in your own minds. To get rid of the handfuls of weeds I then imagined a ball of golden light right  in front of my face. I looked at it through my 3rd eye on my forehead and when I breathed in I imagined the golden light entering my body. When I breathed out I tossed all of my negative emotions into the ball of golden light. After about 10 breaths in and out I began to feel a lot better. I began to notice I didn't have as much anger and worry inside of myself.

Much love to you all

Day 35 out of 365 changes are in store. :)

I have been playing with the notion of changing things up a bit. I got a dose of inspiration from a good friend that said "I need a dose of happiness to fill my void up inside of me" It got me thinking what if daily I could provide this service? How would I go about doing it? Blogging about Miracles in one thing but to incorporate the two would be awesome! Kind of like going hand in hand. :)
I think right now she is absolutely correct on needing a daily dose of happiness in our lives. Something that may make you smile or make you think in a different way.

I awaken to my golden opportunities ~Louise Hay

I have been reminded gently by the Universe/God this past week about faith, hope and love and staying in happiness. I see the effects of writing the chapters about my past, re-living my past and letting it affect me. As a mom and wife I see now that maybe I am just not allowed to have those processing days because it affects my family so much. When I snapped out of it and reminded myself to stay in the present and live for today not for yesterday. That yesterday is essentially a story, nothing more and nothing less then I can begin to see today for what it is. Also, start to create the future I want. I changed the intent on my book also. I want a great golden light at the end of the tunnel for my readers. I do not want them to stay stuck as I did for so long. I want to teach the lessons of moving on and making your past just what it is, the past. It should have no marker on what  your future can and will be. :)

I love you guys and have a wonderful day!!

Day 29 out of 365 past thoughts

Yesterday seemed to go on forever. I wasn't myself at all, I did have a great time during playgroup in the morning. We hosted about 6 kids over and made reindeer food and the kids played while we talked. After everyone left it just seemed like a blah day. :) I have been processing emotions in my little brain and come to realize that I am the only one that can make myself feel the way I do. The past has no hold on me unless I let it! Learning these tools over and over again by reading or hearing them it doesn't click until you really start to practice the lesson. I noticed while I was punishing myself in feeling bad and sad my two year old picked up on my vibrations and began to react. Goodness, that is never good when he decides to react. :) My daughter had her band concert last night. I really wanted to watch it but I had this 2 year old you never know what he will do. I so badly want him to behave in public but I also understand he is his own person, he is unpredictable to say the least and usually I enjoy this but last night I was already feeling bad so I just wanted him to be good.  Well we all know Murphy's Law and he started out good. He let me carry him all the way from the car to the multi-purpose room (should of been my first clue) then he got down when he saw his sister. Stayed with us so I could get some pictures of her. Then I walked him to the back of the room. Figured if I didn't make him sit right away we could have a chance. As the evening went on, the shorter his attention span got (typical 2 year old right?). Well, someone had to leave a playground ball out and he found it of course. A bright yellow ball! It was like a beacon to him, calling his name out saying "Throw me!!" Before I could get to him, he threw the ball up into the air and hit a lady in the head. She wasn't to happy about that and I apologized then he took off running when I got the ball away and sure enough! He tripped and fell right in front of her about taking her down too! Needless to say we had to leave at that point. He was done and I wasn't going to set him up to get into more trouble. I'm thinking maybe a baby sitter for the next performance. :)

On the way home is when it hit me. I should be the one to get myself out of this funk! I should know better than to let past emotions affect me this much that I can not enjoy day to day life. It's not easy processing painful situations in the past while being a mom and wife. I am not allowed to be in a bad or sad mood because I have little ones depending on me. :) Plus I should know better and know that what is in the past is in the past. Nothing can hurt me unless I let it. So I am clearing out those painful emotions, writing about them to get them away, to release them once and for all into the universe! YAY! My goal for today!
Much love to you all!

Day 27 our of 365 new paths in life

I am heading out onto a new path today. One that I have never been down before. Usually I take some comfort in knowing what I can expect because I don't switch gears this drastically but I am called upon to do something that has been heavy on my heart all day. :) It's not easy acting with blind faith but it is something I feel I need to do. The re-programming of my mind and heart have been tolerable up until today. My writing has become sad as I process emotions. It is no longer the fun part of writing about past pains. I find myself being distracted a lot easier today too. I have cleaned out things in my office and the play room. Cleaning had always helped me in my past. I have tried talking with friends and my husband about my challenge I now face only to be told wisely it is all up to me now. This I know but would rather be not that far ahead in knowledge and have someone else make this decision for me.
Soon I will be able to tell you all about my decision. I need to get all my ducks in a row to have the courage to stand up to someone who hurt me in my past. One that I am realizing still has control over me not in the outside world but on my inside world still. It is all confusing! :)

much love to you all

day 25 out of 365 blanket of shame lifted

The weekend was a huge success on breakouts and breakthroughs for me. Now to just process all these emotions inside of me to be a healthier, stronger and definitely more courageous woman! I am getting a huge blessing today and get to type more on my book and organize the chapters so it reads more smoothly. My husband is off today so he is going to drop kids off at school and take the baby out of the house for a couple of hours. Maybe I might get a whole 6 hours in on this thing today!! :) Bonus!!

I have learned a valuable lesson about how one person can say something to you and it gets stuck in your mind. You live with those words all your life unless you are willing to uncover those beliefs and shed some light on them. I was told repeatedly not to tell anyone of the abuse, to always keep it in and no one would understand.  That was totally wrong in every way and shape! People do understand, people do support me and most of all those words are those peoples issues not mine! They tried to make it mine but no more. I had a huge blanket of shame lifted off this weekend. A blanket that had been covering me for some time now. I decided to shred that blanket and no longer allow it to be on me. What happens, happens, is what I am thinking now. Sure I have fears, sure I have no idea what will come of this. But I am no longer worried about how those words are true.  To me they are lies and meant to keep shame inside of me. Yes, I was sexually abused as a child and I am learning to speak up for others to help heal myself. I was told to NEVER speak of it again! I told people in my teen years that tried to help me those words. For so long those words were my motto and I would talk a little about what happened, always skating around the real issues. I have come to realize others are in this boat too. Punishing themselves for crap they didn't ask for or want. Not knowing how to process the emotions that come along with it! Sucks! But what I learned is this, if 1 in 4 woman and 1 in 9 men are sexually abused we have a lot of people walking around that need their own blankets of shame lifted off!

Much love to you all today!  

Day 23 out of 365

Goodness how time flies! I have been working so hard to meet my deadline for this book that I am on overdrive. By the time Christmas does come I will be ready to relax. :)

It is such a great feeling to wake up in the morning, renewed and charged full of a positive energy. To know that even though you are nervous and somewhat fearful it is all going to turn out way better than you could even imagine! I was given so many little gifts yesterday to fill my heart and soul up it was a beautiful! My batteries got re-charged and I am ready to stretch myself out of my comfort zone just a little bit more today. If we stay exactly where we are then things will never change. It is when you begin to feel nervous, begin to have those butterflies in your stomach because you don't know how it all will end. This is exactly where you need to be! I say this because it is exhilarating but scary to step out of my comfort zone. I have been so happy for so long sitting still, tucked deep inside of my turtle shell and now off with the shell! :) I have been thinking for about 2 months now that I have been out of my comfort zone but I fooled myself! I haven't because I don't have that tingly feeling deep down in my stomach! It's not an uncomfortable I'm gonna be sick feeling but more of an excited I can't wait feeling! So now I know without a shadow of a doubt I am there! I am finally growing and reaching up and stretching!
You have to get off your horse and start stepping in a new direction with me! Come on! It is a fun feeling and you will change your current state you are in!
Say: I experience love wherever I go.  Loving people fill my life, and I find myself easily expressing love to others.

This new feeling of it will all turn out better than expected must be my new dose of faith and belief. I have finally turned the corner to expect better than lack. It took awhile but it has finally happened and it is wonderful. Miracles really are in the shape of emotions, and what you feel. I am in the process of creating my own miracle with my voice, boldness and new faith! Can't wait to see what happens!

As with all new growth in ourselves we have this new feeling we love and then we get comfortable in it. We make huge strides in progress. We move forward many steps and then somehow we stop. Maybe we are busy for a couple of days, maybe something happens and we go back towards the direction we were once in. That is OK. What matters is that you stop yourself when you are taking those steps backwards and begin to move forward in the new direction again. We all have our old habits we would like to change. It is a conscious effort to keep track of what we are doing to so we can make the changes we want. :)

Much love

day 20 out of 365 Miracles

I asked Ash on our way to school this morning what she thought a miracle was. She had some interesting anwsers. She said a miracle is the whisper that you don't hear but God does and he makes it happen in our lives. Like a cancer patient being cured, or a child waking up to a room filled with toys from Santa. When something you want to badly happens in just the nick of time.
It was like hearing music in the car when she described all the miracles she sees or hears about. What she thinks of in her own mind as a miracle is amazing. As a 10 year old she has some wisdom in her that I didn't know was there. And thank goodness I had the time to spend with her asking this one simple question and the result was bigger than I thought. I was humbled and filled with joy listening to her talk.
Of course she added what miracles she wanted in her life :) And as a parent it is all I could do to not make each and every one of them happen for her!!

Much love to you all